Today I was watching a movie, and one of the characters had left corporate America and built up a resort that had been destroyed after the 2004 Tsunami in Indonesia. It so happened that he was also running away from a failing marraige that took a hard hit after the couple lost a child.
Another character in the film plays Jesus who confronts him about why he left. He mentioned greed, and Jesus asks him which was bothering him, society’s or his own?
There are times in my life when I am bothered at work by my own jealousy or pride, like being envious of another’s talent or an over-eagerness to have mastery or knowledge about something beyond where I’m at – or what’s my business. But those are not the times I think about leaving it all to live as a missionary or go teach in a third world country. It’s always when the environment seems saturated with darkness, not the darkness within myself that I want to bolt.
I have the opportunity within the next few months to leave where I am and do something that would probably benefit my soul, be difficult, and advance His kingdom. I question though if I am doing that because of the darkness in me or because the darkness I perceive around me that I am supposed to be a light in. I’m sure there’s a little of both, but I can’t go if it’s more about the latter. I don’t yet know.