Tonight I stayed home because of all the snow. Wrote a letter to a friend inviting her to stay with me and help with the tranistional home but am going to pray awhile before I mail it.
I promised one of the jail ministers I wouldn’t take the violent woman in when she gets out. He argued it was for the sake of my self-care, that I have to do this so I can benefit others. I’m not sure if it is being told I can’t do it that makes me want to do it more, or if it’s something else. And it’s the what ifs – the whispering whatifs as Silverstein called them – that can come in.
There is the experience people have of enabling, we are not called to be doormats.
But God put me there. God gave me love for this woman and everything in me that wants to say no, – it’s not about self-care, it’s about comfort.
What if the idea of actually taking one in is a threat to the security of other people, and not so much me. I’ve taken in people before, homeless, a few street kids, I’ve been fine. I have to be shrewd and this woman could do damage to me but I’m fast. I want David’s heart. And what if – just like people have taken me in over the years, all she needs is not just any chance, but this chance.
Either way I have to break my word. Either I tell her I changed my mind about her staying or I break my promise to my well-meaning and protective, wise friend. My prayer continues.