This weekend my health got worse, but I suspect its because the antibiotics they have me didn’t fully kill off whatever bug I had so now it’s back. It reminded me of what Scipture says in Proverbs about a dog returning to its vomit – when you can’t break a sin area. It seems disease of any kind is like that – spiritual or physical.
In any case, instead of focusing on all the stuff I had to cancel, I was happy to be with Him and when I got still all this rejection and hurt from my past, from someone not seeing Him, vanished in the light. A bonus for being sick on Easter was that I got to spend most of the day alone with Jesus. During the “pray as you go” reflection, I sat quiet for longer than normal because I had nowhere to go after it was done playing. When I listened to how the women recognized Him instantly and fell at his feet, unlike the men, something I’d only had head knowledge about got a little deeper into my heart. It was like the Lord was telling me, I sent those two women to tell them, but it was Me that has to get them to believe. You just keep talking about Me. Just keep being who I made you to be.
I did get to mass at 5 and then visited my last person. Friday I had seen 3 of the 4. (Two of the ladies got out, so I am down to 4 now, – 3 in a night seems the best as far as time. Given nothing unusual going on. I could take on two more, but waiting to get better physically.)
I met a team going in for adoration, and one of the volunteers that has been mentoring me gave me a big beautiful cross, like one he had and some of the volunteers that have been around for awhile. Then they all prayed for my healing.
Inside, with the one woman I called out, our closing prayer time was incredibly powerful. Later I wondered if me getting fuelled up outside didn’t pack more punch with me in.
Thursday night my partner seeking out a house with me, (she’ll rent), told me that the Protestant pastor said that that church going into the jail was not going to happen.
It seems then that I have to join more fully with the Catholics. I was so hopeful that the church would grow through the Protestants too but I was wrong. I’m a very doubtful person but there is no doubt in my mind God is with me and that serving them is His will for me. I’ve never been this full of His Spirit and joyful and trusting. I’m can’t move away from that ministry. It’s my priority and anything that doesn’t go with that, has to go. I don’t know who He is going to send in to minister with me but the Catholics are who are in there, so that’s where I’ll stay.
I wrote an email to my Jesuit spiritual director, the RCIA leader, and a jail minister asking for help to get something together in terms of transitional support as well as ministry in the jail. I’m redrafting my letter to the Dominican sisters that gave me an open invite to live with them. God, Your move.