spring home



The weekend prior to this one, my second guest relapsed and disappeared.   Although it may have been inevitable, I can’t help but think if there was someone to hang out with her while I went to the jail, she might have had a better shot.

This weekend I found a house I can afford without a roommate that works perfect; near to bus lines, close enough to work, 3 bedrooms upstairs, one down, (where I will be), and a nice yard.  The offer we made was accepted and off we go again.  I also have met a new friend who runs a men’s sober house. He gave me a name of a young woman who is interested in being a house manager and we are scheduled for coffee this Wednesday.

The meetings in the jails are getting intense.  One of my ladies went through a severe sexual and physical assult one year ago.  A priest had told me once, related to my own loss, that the body remembers even what the mind does not.  That proved invaluable information as I helped her to see all the angst she was blaming on other things were perhaps connected to her trauma.

I was excited to help and to be with her and grieved but also feeling that I need more training.  Instead of faith, my mind went to – lucky I knew from that priest – when there was no luck about it.

My spiritual director recommended I got to Manresa in the fall to get trained as a spiritual director so I signed up.  It’s one night a week, 2 hours, and it’s not every week. 


Father God I thank You for continually going before me.  Help me to see it.  Thank you for your amazing and timely provision.  For this unbelievably beautiful spring and all the things popping back I forgot I planted.  You have planted so much and I’ve prayed for so much I then forget.  You never do.  As I am surprised by joy and deeply assured by prior hopes realized, build up a team around me so that we can rejoice at this together. 


Round 2

Tonight another woman that I did one on one’s with will stay over. She’s got a job here in town and is okay with getting kicked out when I am not here. I’ve got a work trip coming up on the 19th for about a week and hopefully she will be able to couch surf until something else comes through for her.

I am encouraged that this house idea is already going, even before the house. Still no word on whether or not they’ll give a little on the price. My friends that know about this stuff better say that these things are legit concerns and the money is not anything I’m going to lose the house over.

One of my errands, after the grocery, was to pick up “drop kits” from Friends of the Master-the men’s house. Pastor Keith explained them to me. It’s kinda like pregnancy – in terms of accuracy and little lines. It test for all sorts of stuff. I really need to read the directions. I’m going to tell my temporary roommate this evening and figure I will ask her unexpectedly once a week. I’m not sure. Hopefully at some point, if she’s here awhile, she can just be like a normal roommate but I need to talk to more people as to when that should be.

I’m not the only one in this house with questions about trust.

Ariay 001

Today I did chores and the ever relucatant Ari watched suspiciously from her refuge, a cardboard box. She also did not – and has not taken to the pet steps I made so she could easily get to the bed. I suppose all these things just need time. To be continued…..

this is me.

bell sheep

Recently I learned a bell sheep is one that is prone to wander. The shepherd breaks its leg to develop a closer relationship and then puts a bell around its neck to help its chances of survival, as well as those of the flock.

I’ve been protected way beyond what I deserve and still tend to want to go my own way. I too can’t believe I am His. But I am.



Thursday night I was supposed to meet the woman who had spent the night at my place at the library before it closed at 9. I got done with a fund raising dinner for the men’s house that I went to straight after work; that is, after dropping the escrow check for the house with the realator.

I made it to the library at 8:15 and she wasn’t there. It was a little rainy too. I went home, changed, jogged to the library just about 10 minutes before closing and searched all the floors again. Waited until it closed, then waited a few minutes outside after, already knowing what I expected but was hoping with everything that i had wasn’t true. I thought, since she left her stuff at my place, the chances might be better. But if she lost a house, she could loose a toothbrush.

Friday morning when I woke up, I happened to be in Jeremiah 22, (on this year plan I’m in through YouVersion.) Verse 10 is, “Do not weep for the man who is dead, do not raise the dirge for him. Weep rather for the one who has gone away, since he will never come back, never see his native land again.”

My prayers then turned to all those caught in addiction, especially those who’ve relinquished their homes and loved ones. And thanksgiving for a God who never gives up.

The weekend flew, beautiful sun, clean house, another raspberry plant for the deck, meetings with both my spiritual director and Protestant pastor, new one on one at the jail tonight. And still the echo of what the weekend would have looked like with her tagging along, faint now but enough to keep me praying.

The advisory board for the Jimmy B house is just waiting on the Jewish member. So far it consists of the Episcopal pastor who can make it when he can that used to know Dorothy Day and now works to help prisoners getting out of jail tranisiton, my pastor at the church from my husband’s denomination, another woman who works in foster care from that congregation, and 2 Catholic volunteers that have do one on ones as well. The house gets inspected Monday.

Father I have more blessings I take for granted than the ones I remember to count. Thank you that You’ve given me so much and help me to be a good steward. Use me to enlarge Your kingdom. Be with those You want that can’t quite seem to believe it.

new beginning


Today ball started rolling with the house, we have a contract to buy it.

Also no biopsy results yet, and, since I was a little drained, I told the jail volunteers I was going to stay home and would be there Friday for one on ones.  I also really want to attend the Big Boy fundraiser dinner tomorrow night, so resting increases my chances.

I got a phone call from one of the women I work with that got out today and she was very stressed out.  My mentor had told me to keep an eye on her, he was worried about her, she had no support.

I live less than a mile from the rehab, (a coed “holding” kind of place, that then sends them to transitional homes and programs, helps them get jobs, etc), so I picked her up.

We put her two paper grocery sacks of belongings in my car and now she’s asleep on my pull-out couch.  It was a restful evening with unexpected good company after all, but I am also a bit ahead of myself.  I get this could jeapordize my ability to work in the jail. I think my mentor was concerned she was suicidal, but I can’t be sure.  She’s fragile anyway. 

She worked very hard in the jail and I believe she’s going to make a fresh start but I also think she needs more than is available to her.  I couldn’t turn her away.

I did tell her she had to be out when I left the house in the morning and I could drop her anywhere.  It just so happens there is an issue with the house I’m renting and my landlady will be here at 8 to wait for the plumber, who could arrive anytime between 8 and 10.  So I have an extra half hour to get her anywhere she needs to go.  There is also a shelter down the street.  The library, the church.  She has my number.

Asked a rabbi about getting a Jewish member on our advisory board to help with planning the spiritual disciplines of the house.  He’s thinking about it and will refer me to someone.

There’s a light rain outside and there’s a lot of peace in my house this evening.