This has been quite a week.
Monday, the loudest Scripture was 2 Timothy 2:20-21.
“Now, in a great house, there are not only vessels of gold and silver but also of wood and clay, some for honorable use, some for dishonorable. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.”
I like wood and clay better. Not because I think I should or from some false humility place. This verse speaks to my soul. I’m too far gone to strive for greatness, but I’ve said for years, ghetto heaven would be good with me. Reading this gave me a sense of relief and acceptance and even love for who I am, the path I’m on and where I’m going. And who with.
Wednesday after work I dug – literally – outside – to see how deep the concrete slabs were that need to come out of the yard in the back so no water will go towards it and we can make some sort of patio, and I found the concrete was 4 inches deep, (as well as 72inx52in.) Thursday, one hour later, I took a picture and asked for help.
And I wait and pray.
I saw three women tonight and didn’t expect to both laugh and cry with them. One of them has an amazing sense of humor and is in jail as a result of her child’s father’s accusations. The charges has all be dropped and now it’s just a matter of time before she’s free, but as she waits she’s been blessed with perspective.
The woman that prompted the tears didn’t see them, but she made a gesture toward me when she was talking about whether she’d go to boot camp or prison. She had previously been terrified of prison but now is trying the mentally prep herself for the possibility, and just learned that she can have one on one visits with her young son in prison, which she can’t in jail.
She moved her hand towards me and said, “if I could have this” pointing at me then back at herself, “with my son,” then I’d be alright.
Immediately the power of not being able to sit in a room with Jim hit me. I knew what she meant but she didn’t know why. I didn’t tell her and continued to listen.
Driving home later, I realized that I do have “this” with God who I can’t see and the longing to sit in a one on one with Him is at the root of all this longing. There are snap shots I get now and again with a person, where it’s like I am with the Lord. Tonight was one of those for a minute. I wonder sometimes what it would be like to have a steady body of people around you like that, and know that what God longs His church to be. But it’s not.
My pastor is on the fence about joining with the priest for a house blessing. The priest, however, said, when I asked if he was willing the bless the house with a rabbi and protestant pastor, “the more the merrier.”
Lord knows I am not for tolerance and condoning bad behavior and allowing people to be hurt by devestating consequences where sin could be avoided.
But Father God, please don’t ever let me deny anyone “this.” Thank you for your Son and giving us the chance to be so much closer to you than we deserve. Thank you for this.