2 of the four concrete slabs out back are completely smashed now. Saturday I broke one up all by myself, well, me and the sledge hammer. They are 72x52x4in each.
As I was working on it a guy that was doing work on the house next door, kept coming over to ask me questions. At one point he said, “it’s just… I’ve never seen a woman doing this kind of work before.”
After some more back and forth conversation, some about God, some about the bible, he then asked if I’d ever been in prison. I said, “no, but it’s funny you should bring that up because I volunteer with prisoners.” Then eventually, I told him what I think God is going to do with the house.
I’ve now got free labor – he’s going to break up some of it while I am at work. Hopefully. I am thrilled. It was tough work, and it has to be done and I don’t mind doing it because I took this on, but what a gift if this one follows through.
My current spiritual director, last time we met, challenged me about my previous director and I realized he was spot on. Now I just have to let God do the rest and adjust my heart.
It’s as if I was drowning and someone who was a lifeguard saved me. It’s a big deal to me because he saved my life, but that’s what he does, he’s a lifeguard.
So now, I’m trying to be a good lifeguard to these women in the jail because that’s all that I can do with this immense gratitude and immense wound. And immense love.
But the thing is too – we share a love and both would say it’s ultimately Christ that saved us both and only good in us is Him and because of Him and His faith. I get that in my head but its much easier to love the people you can see.
I interact and talk with God a lot but long for a person – and need to grapple with that longing as it is. Because Jesus really is a person – and that’s where the rubber is meeting the road for me right now. Because that is where all my love has to go. The difference is before I knew it should but I couldn’t quite give it all back and now it all does because there is no where else for it. Which is the closest to reality so I’m grateful but it’s not easy. And that makes me more grateful because it’s good when God allows the tough stuff.
I got the paperwork for my spiritual director classes and ordered the books and one came yesterday and I’ve already read it. There’s some beautiful stuff in it, I am going to like this.
We also have talked about me hosting a jail ministers small group. The largest, “special interest,” small group at the parish is the recovery community group, so perhaps this could be a spin off. Or a different night to complement it.
Regardless, I need to have a floor first. The guy breaking up my concrete does wood floors too.
On another note, one of the women I minister to mentioned she wanted to read the bible cover to cover. That was 2 weeks ago and she read all of Genesis and part of Exodus. From talking to her I could tell she took it all in. Last Friday she had read up to Deut 2. I just so happened to have finished my bible in a year plan early, so I’m going to try and catch up. I’m still finishing off Exodus after 1 week… so we’ll see.
Father God I love the analogies about heaven where those You invited didn’t show and so you take in the stragglers. Grant that You continue to lead me and guide me about who is in this house and that I always look for You and for those seeking You. I love You.