“God is light, an in Him there is no darkness at all” 1 John 1:5
In an article written by a Jesuit, John Staudenmaier, (who will teach my spiritual direction class Wed), there is a beautiful point about light and dark that I’ve only heard before from rabbis. He points out that the devil’s name literally means “light carrier” (that is Lucifer) and that the “powerful, and life-shaping visions of “Abraham, Samuel, and Jesus emerge in the frightening dark.
What came to mind for me reading that too was the pillar of cloud vs the fire to indicate when to stop and when to move – of God’s use of darkness in our lives.
As the Spirit ministers to my heart these days, I can see how all the feelings of rejection, even my own rejection of myself, can be transformed into usefulness to minister to the women, because they experience this beyond what I can imagine anymore, as I can’t imagine my life without the relationship I’ve built with God and Jesus, especially through the more recent trials of being without Jim here.
One of the ladies I work with, who was out of and now is back in jail, has a daughter that turns 13 today. I promised the woman I would take her daughter out, and I’ve been praying over the time ever since. While the mother’s gone, the girl living with her grown sister and her mom’s cousin in an environment that must be very dark.
One of the points of the article was not to be addicted to light right away as a quick fix, and inferred that our use of electric lights, and being awake and working when the earth is dark could only happen to people who can “afford insomnia,” but I think there is an extension of this idea figuratively too.
I can try to bring light into these dark places, but only Christ in me can do it, and I need to wait on Him for the work. My idea of a present for the birthday may be a starting place or a seed, but He has to dwell is this child to do a work and act to bring light to their family. Yes, I want to do my part, but overall what I am sensing is its not my part to do, if that makes sense. My part is to extend the help when I can with what I have but from there its G-d’s.
This mornings devo was the “Gift of Humility” prayer. “Grant upon us, O G-d, the gift of humility. When we speak, teach us to give our opinion quietly and sincerely. When we do well in work or play, give us a sense of proportion, that we be neither unduly elated, nor foolishly self-deprecatory. Help us in success to realize what we owe to You and the efforts of others; in failure, to avoid self-pity; and in all ways to be simple and natural, quiet in manner, and reasonable in thought.”
Grant, Father that my time with this girl is blessed in such a way that I can be a comfort to her and a sense of assurance that all will be and is well. Help me to stay out of the way so that You can speak to her through me, if it is a time that you want to speak. Help me to be a witness that You are with us always, all the time, the true light that sustains and loves us perfectly. Thank You for that perfect love and for Your ways through darkness.