The story of Paul as a tent maker always sets at the back of my mind to encourage me to use the world skills to not be a burden but also to try to help others. This is a picture of my “tent”.
Despite all the prayer, walking with God, and head knowledge, I still have too small an image of God. I learned stuff a little behind the status quo curve, but I got there. I wouldn’t trade the path for anything. At the same time, even though I know its bravado and insecurity, God is still working on me not being intimidated in my field. I work with a lot of Phds and our customers are that too. I rarely work directly with a customer though.
Anyway, yesterday I really blew it. We are working on something and I had one opinion and someone who is not a Phd but has a lot of good experience and has been at the company and is very honored by the company had a different opinion and I needed to hold my own but I just caved. I had a chance to be bold and courageous today after an awesome pep talk with a friend/mentor, and my podcast (Chip Ingram – Living on the Edge – unashamed plug) this morning just happened to be on discouragement, (Lord I love how you work), but it struck me how far I am from the faith I profess.
My God is big, I am cared for, this stuff is the stuff He invented and yet, in a crises, I still fear and not just momentary, but it’ll take at least a day to shake it off. And I have to continue to shake it off.
I’ve been here before, in the middle of a growth thing. It’s good. This is the kind of James thing I need to count joy because He is even letting me see the fruit and I’m not running from it but oh do I wish we were there already. I’m like that kid in the back of the car – are we there yet? Are we there yet?
Father God I thank You for creating awesome and complex and beautiful things and allowing me to be a part of this incredible company and do all this really amazing stuff. Please continue to let me see how big You are and forgive me for seeing you so little. I love You.