Last night there was an advent event and the speaker, (women’s ministry), at a local Evangelical Presbyterian church here, (Knox), talked about Jesus giving up all he had to be a vunerable little baby in this hostile world. She also discussed weakness and shared some things about what it was like to have chemo, which was a recent trial for her. She shared how she hesitated about the topic because who talks about that at Christmas, but she saw the parallels that would tie into the theme, which was also included the joys as well as the struggles with expectations of the season.
Lots of memories surfaced of my husbands suffering through his own treatment but it also blessed me tremendously; so, after, I thanked the woman and encouraged her to keep the highs and the lows, what was real. I walked out of the building so much lighter than when I came in. Then I had a good cry at home.
All the stuff at the jail is teaching me to lean into Jesus like never before and the last time I had to let go of this much was not my choice, (unlike now), right after I was widowed. I was carried.
Now I’m walking on my own, but I tend to drift off, as if I can save these people or feel like I need to. But I don’t and that is tremendously liberating as He waits on the corner for me and I rush back to grab His hand and let him carry my pack.
This Advent, I’m learning to walk with Him in a new way, and surprised at how he wants to me to walk now – at His pace. But I do feel still like this child in the picture, not ready to break out on my own, and I realize, it’s right where I am supposed to be. Considering I’ve only done on on ones for about a year now and I’m only part way through my course work for this kind of ministry, it’s good to be in this place.
Also reading a fantastic book, Ministering to the Incarcerated by Dr Henry G Covert.
Yeshua, Thank you for coming here to take on our flesh, the have actual hands we can hold and feet we can follow. I marvel that You gave up the heavens for us and fall down at those precious feet. Continue to guide me in Your gentle, incredible, and renewing ways. I love You.