Everything has been paused, (outside of work), for me to take time and rest and recuperate from a minor health condition. Although it’s not easy, to continue to move forward, it’s necessary. And I’m shedding continually sense of guilt for the rest, revealing how much doing means to me.
With the extra time to pray and reflect and do a lot of quiet things that I enjoy, the Lord has been showing me both things not so great about myself, as well as how far the two of us – (when speaking about us as Me and Gd, what to do with that pronoun remains a mystery to me), have come in recent months.
When starting this blog, my pride – appearing in reverse, as if I was way less than, was the constant struggle. Now, blessings abound and the struggle is simply to receive the gift. Sometimes I can’t believe I am the same person and sometimes I groan inwardly because there I am, the same person.
This time of stillness also gives me a mental pause. There are things popping up in my mind that seem to contradict but actually overlap. Paradoxes abound and I find my flesh wanting things to be this or that as the Lord uses this and that. How while being at the same time Gd and man, just and merciful, utterly holy and forgiving, this narrow path, this sharp edge, is pruning out my discontent and distractedness, while at the same time using the energy from that searching to draw me closer to Himself.
Of equal importance, I circumcise my heart figuratively and reflect on the implications that the body, the person of Jesus literally rose from the dead. The beautiful inerrant truth of His word, in all kinds of ways that it is true, beyond the my interpretation, or misinterpretations, continues to transform my mind, soul and heart, and more recently to show, and I write this not ashamed, but with a sense of relief and peace – (as I have a tendency to make mountains out of molehills), how small I really am and how much deeper there always is.
In the midst of a world in crisis, abhorrent acts, grief the Lord alone can comprehend, the Holy Spirit – in the individual lives of believers and how much more when they come together in unity – is moving; mysterious, beautiful, whole, and encompassing. May this place eventually n- in His time and ways – become a refuge, in whatever way He wants, for an expansion of that movement, for His glory and for more in His kingdom.