hopeful in the dark – held


The good news is that my mom is responding really well to some medicine for her memory.  At the same time, I am in the dark as to a lot of the hows and next steps.  As always, though, what’s right in front of me, with much relief and thanksgiving, I can do.

There is always a tension on what to let go of and what to hold on to.  Most of the time, I can just be held these days. I know that where I am is not forever, and yet –  just as I can’t abandon this vision the Lord has given me for the house, I am at a loss how it can all work out with this new challenge.  I trust him as I’m blindly moving forward and He’s providing continually, with so many friends that seem to know about things regarding how to deal with this next chapter, answering questions before I can even ask in a few cases.

Been foraging the neighborhood to keep the woodstove going and bring down my DTE bill, and recently a friend has offered me wood to get me through the rest of the winter.

Recently a friend of mine at a “Hazikkaron” or communion service asked a thought provoking question about evil in the world, as we discussed the gospel of John.  Later that week, I heard this for the first time on the radio, and  – given all the questions and His stubborn hold on me, I wanted to post it here.

Father, thank you for holding on no matter what –  increasing my trust You and keep at me – always.  Thank You that my mom sees this disease as an opportunity to be more dependent on You, seeking the gift in it.   Make ways for me to be a continual gift to her in that.  Build up Your kingdom here in my house here and hers there, this and her neighborhood, our world.   Grant all of our hearts receive Your ever strengthening hold.  If only my heart could hug You back.  Come soon.