Azar Nafasi writes, in her novel, “Reading Lolita in Tehran”, “There, in that living room, we rediscovered that we were also living, breathing, human beings…. An absurd fictionality ruled our lives. We tried to live in the open spaces, in the chinks created between that room… Perhaps one way of finding the truth was to do what we did: to try to imaginatively articulate these two worlds, and, through that process, give shape to our vision and identity.”
Lord I see two worlds – the one defined by others of Who You Are and how Church should be, and who I should be in it, and another like the “reflection in the mirror dimly”or refracted light or an image out of focus. Perhaps that is what it was for You not to be recognized in Your glorified body on earth. The former world is chasing religious life and to be caught up in others’ perception of my role. The latter is with Whitney, a kindness to a coworker, making mass in a full day and seeing You meet every need when I don’t believe it as You change my mind. The former, I am protectively clinging to my practice, worried about disruption. The other, I am keeping an eye out for You or allow what is to reshape my day. It is not that I am to remain as I am and continue to do just this, but that I am to remain awake, needing no rushing for fear of losing but that all my haste be from the joy of being unable to resist Your movement. Does the latter need to be born out of the former as a new covenant emerging from what You have kept hidden until the proper time? May my eyes be fixed on what You might think, make me unafraid of anyone’s reactions as I stay true to Your formation of my mind, soul, heart, and steps.